I was raised by a mother who always made it her business to express the existence of God to her children. “God is real. God is in control. God is good. Love God.” From my childhood, my mother would reassure her children with these utterances. It was these same utterances that I was able to superficially take in, and superficially regurgitate. I have always known God, and God has always known me. Yes, I am fully aware of the implications of this statement. In this regard, I do not expect you to fully accept my assertion. I will however allow my fruit, or lack thereof, to stand as evidence for or against my claim.  

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    “God is real. God is in control. God is good. Love God.” These words I was able to stand on as I navigated my way through elementary and middle school. It was during these years however, that I was exposed to life outside of the box that I had placed these words into. I had tasted the enticing fruit of the world’s perceived importance of being popular. To the premature eyes of 10 year old Alexis, there was a great chasm: many friends vs. few friends, many boyfriends vs. few boyfriends, very known vs. hardly known. The world had planted a seed in me that whispered, “You either matter, or you don't” All of the aforementioned subgroups could be further divided into these 2 major categories. When I did not fit into the ‘you matter’ category, I began to feel an empty void that I had shaped into the form of popularity. I constantly fell short of the standard of importance that the world had constantly challenged me to live up to. Nonetheless, I gave my all to grasp something that the Lord had given His Son to keep me from grasping. I was grasping for the wind.

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   “God is real. God is in control. God is good.” These words I was able to lean on as I navigated my way through highschool. Still, I had my eyes on what I thought to be the prize, popularity. My unquenchable thirst to be like those who I knew were the polar opposite of who I was, pushed me to pretend to be someone that I was not. I praised the attention that I was not getting, along with the idea of actually being seen by others. Constantly, I was beaten down by the harsh blows of falling short. Pieces of me, whoever I was, steadily diminished. Nonetheless, I continued to give my all to grasp something that the Lord had given His Son to keep me from grasping. Still, I was grasping for the wind.     

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   “God is real. God is in control.” These words I was able to reach for as I navigated my way through college. “A new beginning,” I began to think to myself. I was eager concerning the prospect of finally starting over and being granted the chance to attain my ultimate goal of being popular amongst my peers. The beckoning of the idea of popularity led me to join clubs for the purpose of meeting new people, which would in turn contribute to my own glory, or vainglory to be precise. However, regardless of how fast I ran, I continued to slide down the slippery slope of falling short. Nonetheless, I continued to give my all to grasp something that the Lord had given His Son to keep me from grasping. As I was before, so too was I at this point, grasping for the wind.

 

   “God is real,” I uttered as I navigated my way through anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I didn’t know who I was, nor did I know where to go to find out. By the end of  2018, the foundation that my mother had laid down for her children, I had reduced to, “God is real.” As my mental health rapidly declined, I held on to the remnant of what my mother had instilled in me. Thus, I set myself on a mission to read the entire Bible; Genesis to Revelation. By the end of 2019, I had done just that, but still, I felt a void that I was striving to fulfill. I was on my way to PA school, studying, working as an ER/PC tech, and taking biology/chemistry courses. Striving for becoming a physician assistant was good for me, but I knew that there was something better. 

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   In the beginning of 2020, my knowledge of God had greatly increased. As I sat in my dining room with the uptick of a monstrous virus leading to the uptick of my monstrous anxiety and depression, I for the first time, got real with my Maker. On the way to Walmart, I sat in my car, more lonely, depressed, and anxious than I'd ever been. "God," I cried out, "I can't do this anymore. Fix me, or take me. I just want to to be with You." Minutes later, I was formally introduced to the One who would change my life from that point on, until eternity. On a chilly day in March of 2020, Jesus Christ met me where I was (in the middle of a Walmart parking lot). In a moments time, in the twinkling of an eye, everything shifted. The beckoning of popularity was swiftly drowned by the beckoning of His Holy Spirit. I became fortified in the fact that not only is God real, but He is personal. Not only is God in control, but He is sovereign. Not only is God good, but He is worthy to be praised. Not only does God warrant the love of His creation, but He Himself is love. All at once, the power of anxiety and depression was put to death. The cool part is that Jesus had put it to death over 2000 years ago when He died on the cross. Because the Son had set me free, I was (and still am) free indeed. God used my mother, Betty Bond-Morris, to plant, Jacqueline Baskerville (who to me is known as Ms.B) to water, but it is He who provided the increase. 

 

   I developed an unquenchable thirst for my Savior.   

 

   In the midst of God showing me who I was not meant to remain. He showed me who He was, who He is, and who He always will be. In this, I am now able to place my identity in Christ Jesus. My life is hidden with Christ in God. I have received the Spirit of adoption by whom I cry out, “Abba, Father.” I am a Child of God. No amount of popularity could ever equate to the love of my God. No, I haven’t always known God, but He foreknew me.